Finger Sketch Comedy

last night was my last night at my crappy bartending job ive had for two years, i leave in 10 days a an entire month of travelling abroad, i just had a wonderful burrito, and just when i think life couldnt get any better..

Mark-Paul Gosselaar is back on tv!!

oh yes, i down right had a ZAck Attack when i saw the commercial for his new show “Raising the Bar” come on the screen. i dont even like law shows, but i will put it on mute and watch mr. morris while singing “Bayside is the school that cool and you know that its true…”

Just hours after reversing his decision to retire permanently as president of Pakistan, it was announced that Pervez Musharraf has been traded to the beleaguered Arizona Cardinals.

“He’ll make a great addition to the team,” said Kurt Warner, who had been competing with teammate Matt Leinart for the starting QB position.  “We’ve seen what he can do in the conflicted northwest region of Pakistan, so we’re confident he’ll bring change as leader of this franchise.”

Musharraf had resigned earlier Monday in order to avoid impeachment proceedings being held against him.  Shortly after his tearful resignation speech had been broadcast across national networks and the Internet, Musharraf reversed his decision and announced that he was coming out of retirement.

“This should have been a historically great day for Pakistan and a triumph for democracy,” says Samina Ahmed, South Asia project director of the International Crisis Group. “Now, it is just awkward and sad.”

Musharraf’s reinstatement as Pakistan’s President was roundly rejected by that country’s parliament, and the ex-president announced his intention to govern for another team.

“I was never that committed to retirement,” Musharraf said in an interview with Bob Costas, “I was pressured by parliament to make that decision before the election and the start of the free agent cabinet appointment period.”

Pervez Musharraf’s time as president of Pakistan was marked by nearly 70 percent approval ratings, and he was known as a key ally in the United States’ War On Terror.  Speculation abounds regarding whether the 65 year-old former general will be effective in his new role as Cardinals quarterback.  The team did not qualify for the playoffs last year with a record of 8-8.

“Look, the man survived three assassination attempts and stymied the Taliban over his nation’s volatile border with Afghanistan, ” proffered Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt, “I think he’ll be able to learn the playbook.”

Pervez Musharraf will be the starting quarterback on August 28th against the Denver Broncos.  He is expected to play about 12 snaps or until an attempt is made on his life, whichever occurs first.

Not a joke.  Apparently there is some high pitched frequency that as people get older they can’t hear anymore.  It’s used in some places to keep teens away.  Conversely, some teens use it as ringtones so they can keep their phones on in class.  Oh those wily teens.

The cut off is supposedly 25.  But I can still hear it and I’m 25+. 

Prepare to feel old.  Or young if you can hear it.  Good luck.

http://www.audiocheck.net/audiotests_mosquito.php

I know this is a comedy blog, but I’m a little sad today.  Glum.  I wasn’t going to post this but then I thought, “Hey, people should know that even hilarious people get sad sometimes.”  Eh, I’m going through something.

Regardless, please come see FINGER TONIGHT!

Don’t panic, Fingerinos!

FingerComedy.com was showing up messily in some versions of IE, so we’re taking the opportunity to dress the site up a bit.  We’re all about reducing clutter and making sure you know who wrote which posts.

We’re gonna be pretty!

I switch roommates pretty frequently.  (I don’t really like people.)  Here are a list of the roommates I’ve had since moving to the city in late 2003 and some notes about them…

Apt 1 - 5 “bedroom” “apartment” in LES; November 2003-August 2004

1) JASON - d*ck

2) WILL - d*ck

3) JILL - b*tch

4) STEVE - not me, cool dude

5) BECKY (???) - forget her name, we only overlapped briefly. She was okay.  I ran into on the subway like a year later and she was on her way to campaign (for Kerry??) in Ohio.  So, in my head, she’s a little bit of a hippie.  But that’s cool. 

Apt 2 - 2 bedroom in E. Village; September 2004 - October 2005

6) MIKE - ehh.  Cool enough.  We got into a fight right at the end and if we hadn’t, FINGER wouldn’t exist.  Weird.

Apt 3 - 2 bedroom in E. Village (one floor up from last apt.; still paid a broker’s fee); October 2005 - present

7) ALICE - Australian.  She was great.  I once joke, ” I hope a dingo doesn’t eat your rent check.”  She didn’t laugh.  But she’s still cool.

8 ) MEDHI - French.  Borderline d*ck.  Wouldn’t stop cooking bad smelling food. 

9) GILLE - French.  He was great.  And by great, I mean, never home.  Ever.  What a great guy.  I found out on his last night that he was the son of some big wig in France.  Good job!

10) COURTNEY - B*tch.  So nasty.  She turned me off living with girls.  She broke the toilet a lot.  Like a strange amount of times.  But her Mom was really nice.  I remember thinking, “How’d that happen?” and feeling bad that the cool, nice mom had a mean, negative daughter. 

11) THEO - He stayed the longest (11 months).   In hindsight, he was a good roommate, but at the time he would get on my nerves sometimes. But, a cool guy.  And he boned a lot.

12) JAMIE - Young and he stayed the shortest, 1.5 months (so far).  I think he cracked from the pressure of NYC.  NYC is tough man, but I don’t need to tell you that. 

13) JEFF - For a square, he was cool.  He had a good run, and I wanted him to stay.  In terms of roommates, he was t*ts.  I wish he didn’t have to leave.  I….think….I…..love….you….Jeff….

14) NICHOLAS - Current, short term roommate. Young.  Like 20 years old young. Put on a shirt and remember to lock the door.  No, he’s fine.  He’s very bright eyed and bushy tailed, and I am not those adjectives.  Stay tuned.

15) YOU?????  Everyone’s a suspect.

CONCLUSION:  Much like the famous “Dazed and Confused” line, lately it appears that what I like about my roommates is that as I get older, they stay the same age (or get younger.)

Yes, I’m wearing a men’s hat.  Take a good look.  It’s just like in the movies.  No, I don’t feel out-of-place wearing this thing.  The only people who seem to mind are people who’ve known me to not wear hats for my whole life.  A hat is a valid choice.

You know, I could say some things about the fashion choices you’ve made.  You’re not perfect.  But when you boldly present yourself at the risk of appearing unsightly or, God forbid, out of the ordinary, I hold my tongue.  This is not because I come from a place of diminished power due to my new hat.  It is because I’m classy.  Wearing a men’s hat assures my status as a classy man about town.

Yes, the feather is removable.  I’d remove it but then I don’t know what to do with it so that it doesn’t get ruined in case I want to wear the hat with a feather in it at some point.  So I’m rocking the feather.  The way the hatter intended, thank you very much.

I’ll not entertain the notions of haters.  You’re just jealous because now if you decide to go get yourself a pork pie hat of your own, it’ll be because I planted the seed.  I am setting a trend, regardless of whether anyone participates in the trend itself.  My hat is a delightful accessory to liven up my already almost-formal day-to-day attire.  It does not define me.  Rather, I will redefine it.

If you wish to continue hating on my hat, please refer to the following helpful website:

http://philbilly.ytmnd.com